When God Doesn’t Heal You: A Life Lived with Suffering and for God’s Glory
Over the past few months I have had the privelge of getting to know a woman who, like many of you, suffers with a chronic condition called fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. Trish Barnett has struggled with fibro/chronic fatigue for over ten years now and so when I asked her to share her testimony with you she gladly accepted. I believe her excitement and desire to share comes from her love for the Lord and understanding of what He has done for her through His death on a cross. With that said, I hope you will be encouraged by Trish’s testimony.
Sometimes I wonder, “Why me?” Why has God allowed affliction to come my way? Why is it His perfect will for me to suffer a chronic condition that at this time has no cure? Somehow I think if I understand ‘why’ then I might be more accepting of my circumstances. Scripture, however, commands me to trust in God and not my own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5)
I used to be able to accomplish so much. I was very active and threw myself into all life had to offer. Regardless of the arena (e.g. school, work, church, relationships, fitness, or social activities), I went at it 110%. I burned the candle at both ends and enjoyed living at mach speed. If I got tired, I’d push through to my second, third, or fourth wind. My mantra was, “You create energy by expending energy.”
About 15 years ago, I began to notice I wasn’t bouncing back like I used to. I started to need caffeine and sugar to kick-start and restart my day. I was tired, and often the fatigue felt more like exhaustion. I was achy, like I had the flu. Some mornings I woke up feeling like I’d slept in a shoe box. For five years I tried to get help from my doctor, but she simply blew me off and eventually suggested I was a hypochondriac.
The symptoms worsened and began to include neuropathy. I finally changed doctors, and the new one took a keen interest in my condition. He initially suspected Multiple Sclerosis, but tests ruled it and other neurological disorders out. To make a very long story short, numerous consultations with my wonderful primary care physician and other specialists pointed to Fibromyalgia. Though there is no conclusive test, my symptoms seemed to fall into the category of that syndrome or a combination of Fibro/Chronic Fatigue.
Most of us who live in the United States in the 21st century are unfamiliar with suffering or even discomfort. So many things, including health, are within easy reach. We live in a climate-controlled world where we don’t have to wait long for anything. Diseases that used to kill are now treatable. We are blessed to live in an age where God can heal or help through medical means.
But what if He doesn’t? How do we navigate through life when our set of circumstances includes chronic suffering? When our senses have been dulled by so much comfort and relief? When pride assumes entitlements?
Whatever it is I have, it has been a sanctifying tool in the hands of a loving God. Though there are many people who suffer far worse afflictions and trials, this has been enough to get my attention and keep my attention. This trial is humbling me. It teaches me to trust God, to rely on Him, and at times, lean heavily upon Him. I’ve learned my identity is in Christ and in nothing else. I am learning patience, perseverance, and endurance. I am more compassionate, understanding, and sympathetic toward others who suffer. I have opportunities to experience God’s love, mercy, grace, help, and strength as never before.
Learning to live within limitations is a process, but God is faithful to help me. My world is small, but it could be smaller. I try to intentionally look for things I can be grateful for and then intercede for others. I might feel miserable because I had a sleepless night or because my symptoms have flared, but I can thank God that I had a comfortable mattress to lie upon and that I am able to lift myself out of bed. I will then pray for others I know (or know of) who do not have such luxuries. As I go through my day, I can easily think of people or ministries who need my prayers. Thinking of them and praying for them refocuses my perspective.
When people ask how they can pray for me, the first item on the list is humility. I believe if I am humble, I will embrace my circumstances and live in a way that pleases and glorifies God. Psalm 16:5-6 says, “The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; You hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.” I believe God can help His people thrive in their circumstances, regardless of how difficult they may seem. He truly does cause all grace to abound to us so that in all things, at all times, we’ll have all that we need. (2 Corinthians 9:8)
I have been greatly helped by the writings of Charles Spurgeon, a preacher who suffered physical affliction. I’ll end with one my favorite snippets from him: “Unerring wisdom ordained your lot, and selected for you the safest and best condition. . . Remember this, had any other condition been better for you than the one in which you are, divine love would have put you there . . . ”
